In a world created by men for men, I do not believe in giving men grace. If a man has not figured out how to care for himself, others, and live life comfortably, it is 100% his fault. He has messed it up. The system is set up for him to succeed and if he does not, it is not a design flaw or a glitch, he actively circumvented built-in cheat codes. He is an idiot. Period.
That being said. Let’s talk about disappointment.
When women criticize men, they are often expressing disappointment whenever men are not fully showing up in their lives, whether that be as a partner, a father, a friend or whatever. (Insert scenario here) On other side of this situation sits male disappointment. Boys who ultimately become men are predisposed to disappointment.
For example, if a man is under 6 foot, he has a smaller dating pool to choose from. If he prematurely begins to lose his hair, the dating pool gets even smaller. Or perhaps he plays sports and the team he plays for isn’t so great and so he is faced with a losing season. A man may think he is a stellar athlete and may want to go pro but cannot because those spots are reserved for the elite athletes. A man may want to own a billion-dollar company but perhaps he does not come from the right background that sets the foundation for a company like that and the list goes on and on.
From an early age a boy’s hopes and dreams are dashed and then he grows up, meets a woman who has tons of expectations, many of which he will never be able to meet, and so he becomes a disappointment. Or perhaps he is just disappointed.
Is it possible that men disappoint women so often because they themselves are often disappointed so the notion of disappointing their significant other is not that significant? They are not willing to do the thing, try harder, do more, make it all happen simply because it never worked out for them; so why bother? Why not allow his significant other to experience much of what he has experienced his whole life? He has been disappointed for a long time, and look he did not die, the world did not end, he was not swallowed whole; “she’ll be ok, she’ll get over it; I did.”
Is there a possibility that yes, his behavior is disappointing, but could it also be that he is willing and comfortable with disappointing you because he has already been disappointed?
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