Age is probably one of the most important aspects in Korean culture. It shapes and influences every social interaction. One of the first topics of conversation when you meet someone is how old you are. This determines how people would address you and how you should address others. Aside from the more common professional hierarchy based on positions and titles, Koreans also expect respect from those younger than them, creating a social hierarchy that influences their daily lives.
The Language
There are so many parts of the Korean language that touch on hierarchy and respect, but let’s start with the basics. Korean is split between the informal banmal (반말) and the formal jondaetmal (존댓말). To be completely honest, this was the hardest part of learning Korean for me. I knew what I wanted to say for the most part- just in the informal speech. Having to think about the honorifics when addressing people older than me felt like learning a whole new language. The sentence endings change, and the words change; there are even different levels of honorifics.
Even something as simple as “thank you” changes.
• Gomawo (고마워)- informal/casual
• Gomawoyo (고마워요)- polite
• Gamsahamnida (감사합니다)- formal
Titles also change depending on the age. As a woman, people younger than me may call me unni (언니) if they are a female or nuna (누나) if they are a male- both meaning older sister. These titles and the different levels of speech reinforce the social hierarchy as the respect is literally built into the sentence.
The Nonverbal
Verbal language isn’t the only way Koreans express respect. There are also many nonverbal gestures. One of the most recognizable is bowing. Koreans bow to say hello, goodbye, and thank you. Just like how there are different levels of honorifics in speech, the depth of the bow also indicates different levels of respect. The deeper the bow, the more respect is being shown.
Dining etiquette also reflects this hierarchy. When dining, an important rule is to wait for the oldest person at the table to start eating before you do. When I was younger, my family lived with my grandparents, and we would have dinner together every evening. I remember getting scolded by my mom for not having the proper table manners and forgetting to wait for my grandpa to take the first bite.
One thing I think is important to note is that while this culture of showing respect to elders comes from good intentions, it isn’t always so ideal. Because age is that important in Korean society, many people use it to exert authority and take advantage, expecting respect without having earned it. Some people are mistreated simply for being younger.
Age is definitely more than just a number in Korean culture. It directly shapes how people act and speak to each other. Like many things, there are pros and cons to this as it can either limit or connect. It’s not a perfect system, but it highlights how age continues to influence communication not only in Korea, but among overseas Koreans and Korean Americans as well.
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